Even though it’s 2022, there’s still a lot of misinformation and confusion when it comes to trans people and transition. As a parent, learning that your child doesn’t identify with the gender that’s been assigned to them at birth and that they want to transition can be a difficult thing to process, so that’s why Jesse Thorn decided to share an eye-opening thread for parents who find themselves in such situations.
Namely, Thorn learned that his daughter is trans, and wanted to pave the way for other parents of trans children. His thread gained a lot of popularity and is truly eye-opening, so we invite you to read it for yourself below.
I’m the parent of a trans kid. I want to clarify what that means (as best I can), because a lot of folks don’t know or make incorrect presumptions. Happy #TransDayOfVisibility.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
My daughter is nine. When she was born, we assumed she was a boy, gave her a boy name, called her “he.” We gave her all kinds of toys, she generally preferred the ones our culture associates with boys (like building toys, trucks and robots.)
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
She hated getting haircuts and always wanted her hair long like my wife’s, but we just figured kids hate haircuts. She loved The Jungle Book, especially the part where Baloo the bear dresses up in a hula skirt, but what kid doesn’t love that? pic.twitter.com/jCvhd40zfB
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
When she started kindergarten, my wife was bathing her. An adult friend of ours had just come out as trans, and my wife mentioned that not all girls have vaginas and not all boys have penises.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Our daughter asked, “some girls have penises?” My wife said yes. Whether you were a boy or a girl wasn’t about your private parts.
“I’m a girl with a penis,” my daughter said.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
All of a sudden all these things that had confused us about her when she was younger made sense. We went to learn about gender and kids – I mean I’m from San Francisco, grew up with a trans neighbor. My wife went to Sarah Lawrence. We were open but pretty ignorant.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
At first we called her gender non-conforming, which is an umbrella term for kids who don’t fit into the gender binary. We wanted to be able to call “backsies” on the whole thing if she changed her mind. But she was very clear. She was a girl.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Talking to trans friends, I learned why it’s so important to clearly tell kids that private parts don’t determine gender. Little kids often don’t know what “trans” is, so they just assume… well… that they’re broken. Give kids some language and they can tell you who they are.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Anyway, she told us her new name, Grace. Actually, she initially said “Grease,” but we figured out what she meant. Not the clearest enunciator back then.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
She socially transitioned in kindergarten. She had girl play clothes already that she wore at home when she felt like it, but my wife took her to Target to pick out some clothes. She chose a pink and purple My Little Pony dress.
Advertisement— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
We still had to (have to) be on guard all the time. Every new care situation (camp, sports, babysitter, friends’ parents) had to get a briefing. We had to check every room for jerks. Because being misgendered, or forced to explain yourself is traumatic for a young kid.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
We basically had to be the professional trainers for every set of grownups that entered our kids’ lives. It was and remains exhausting. I can only imagine what it’s like for adult trans and gender non-conforming people.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
We hired a therapist. It can be scary to be so different. Trans people are the targets of harassment and violence, and have to find their own way because they have so few peers and role models who are like them. We found ours through LA Gender Center. https://t.co/bCCPv5gjDG
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Our kid is nine. Puberty is on the horizon. This year for the first time she saw a doctor who specializes in adolescent medicine for trans kids. We’re so grateful we live in LA and have access to caring medical pros who are up on the latest research and standards of care.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Trans kids take hormone blockers because while stated gender identities are stable starting from the time kids can express them, a ten or eleven-year-old’s brain is still growing by leaps and bounds. So long-term decisions about bodies are postponed a bit.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Plenty of trans young people are comfortable letting their bodies and gender identities be separate issues. Many want others’ perceptions of their bodies to match their identities. Lots just know what is the “right” body for them. None of this is determined by parents.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
In fact, cisgender kids have had their gender identities affirmed. I am cis, and no one ever tried to call me a girl when I was a kid or call me a girl name. I was always supported in my identity. No one is being “convinced” here. It’s a matter of supporting the kids. Parenting.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Kids’ genders have nothing at all to do with sexuality. (Neither do adults’.) My kids (9, 7 and 4) have never expressed a word of sexuality to me. They’re kids. Trans kids and gay kids have some commonalities of experience, but don’t conflate those two things.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
When my daughter transitioned, I realized how tightly I had held her identity as a boy. I’m not exactly Mr. Butch, I didn’t have masc goals for her or anything, but I realized how hard it was to let go of my idea of her as a boy. That has helped me understand gender in my life.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
If you’re not a parent or don’t have trans kids, I’d ask you to educate yourself and think about what you can do, affirmatively, to welcome the trans people who may cross your path, and make their road easier. Because you actually have to take action, being positive isn’t enough.
— Jesse Thorn (@JesseThorn) March 31, 2021
Source: Upworthy
