I Am In Between Wanting To Have The Experiences My Daughter Is Having And Relieved I Didn’t Have To Share My Body

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Submitted by Ryan Lee, a follower of Women’s Rights News

At 21 I decided to give my husband a chance and have a baby. After 4 years of trying, fertility drugs, around 10 chemical pregnancies, a DNC that essentially left me sterile, and ended in a hysterectomy at 37, I have an adopted teenage daughter from foster care who spent 9 of her 13 years bouncing around six homes and 3 years in residencies. I never wanted to be pregnant but felt I owed it to my husband. I never wanted my body to have another growing inside of it.

But I tried. And once I couldn’t? I was angry. I had made this choice! I was doing this! And my body betrayed me! Now it WASNT my choice to not have kids any more. It was my bodies! And it was taken from me! I would go into malls and see the pregnant women, the new babies, cry, and leave. My adopted daughter I got at 13 is now almost 17 and pregnant.

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And I also have grieved, many times over. She got to have the baby I couldn’t. She gets to watch her baby grow up, and I never got to see her first steps, or hear her first words. That I got to be a mom, and within three years, I am losing my child to being a mother herself before I got to set her free at 18. That I went from childless, to mother, to grandmother in a span of three years.

There is no person like me. There is no support group. I am in between never wanting a biological child and wanting with all my heart. I am in between wanting to have the experiences my daughter is having and relieved I didn’t have to share my body. There isn’t any words to truly describe my journey, but I am here to live it and tell the tale.

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