Christine Schoenwald is a writer that recently posted an open letter to all men that would sleep with her, but won’t date her.
She was a plus-size woman years ago before she got together with her boyfriend and she thought that he was a relationship material. The guy had ‘an amazing body’ and a great personality, and she was honest when she met him that she was looking for something more than just a casual relationship – and he led her to believe that he wanted that too.
She shared that they had a great time together, they ordered in, played video games, and watched movies. However, when she tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with her, he refused. As months went on, her frustration grew, and one day she confronted him, asking why they never go anywhere.
He told her that they have everything they need in the house while distracting her by caressing her shoulder blades.
She told him that she’s hungry and suggested they check out a new Indian place that was near. However, he told her that he didn’t want to because they might run into one of his buddies. So, the underlining meaning was clear: he didn’t want to be seen with her.
When she realized that he was ashamed of being seen with her, she felt horrible. So, to him, she was only good for behind closed doors, but not dateable – and he dumped her soon after that conversation.
Although she’s well aware that he did her a favor by not continuing to lead her on, she realized one sad fact: many men who are attracted to plus-size women are ashamed of it.
Even though they’re okay with going to bed with one, they don’t want to hang out with them because someone might judge them for it.
It’s one thing if you’re not attracted to a certain body type, but if you find plus-size women attractive and you don’t want to be seen in public with them, it’s no OK.
“Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there’s consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and want to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyеd you.” – she further writes in her open letter to Upworthy.
Christine suggests that they shouldn’t act like they’re in a relationship is all they really want is to experience what being with a plus-size woman is like.
She writes that plus-size women are just as hot as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities, and being plus-size doesn’t mean that they’re hungry for attention and that they’ll put their needs aside and whatever they can to please the partner.
So, she has a message to all women: “If you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful or who isn’t proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their a$$.
Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you’re someone’s big dirty secret.”
She concluded by writing that she regrets not standing up for herself when she discovered the athletic guy who was using her for one thing only, but at least she learned that she’s responsible for being her biggest advocate and to never accept anything less than what she needs.